so last semester, my new roommate, without consulting anyone else, put up these stupid wall stickers. and I had to live with em alllll year.
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(ignore the tapestry, that’s mine)
so, end of the school year starts coming up, we’re gonna have to take the damn things down anyway. so I decide to have some fun with it.
on sunday, while roomie was away at work, I took the stickers off the wall and started cutting up the letters. and this was what she found when she came home.
this was just above the couch, the first thing you’d see upon walking in the door. and my favorite of all, in the corner where the couch met the wall:
the next day, while I was in class, she came home and saw it. and promptly began acting like I did not exist.
It was the greatest week I’d had since moving in.
but only a week. one day, I texted our collective roommate group chat that I was taking an online test, and that I’d need quiet for about 2 hours or so. and when I finished, I left my room to find bare walls where my art once was, and a ball of letters in the trash can.
so I fished it out. and left this.
but I wasn’t done quite yet. I fished out a couple favorites and put them back up in my room (partly bc I had gotten a bit attached to nut,)
now, you might notice that “tit” has lost its “s”. that s now serves a greater purpose:
forming the word “penis” that I hid on the wall behind the couch before I moved out.
suffice to say, that roommate hasn’t talked to me since.
I’m sorry but it’s literally impossible to ignore the tapestry
laptop overheating?? pour water on it to cool it down!
i trusted you
Do not trust people like me. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people
I was just alerted to this awesome app! It’s not just NYC—it’s also in the Bay Area, DC, Philadelphia, Boston, Portland, and Seattle, as well as a lot of cities throughout Europe. If you or someone you know lives in one of those areas and has need of relatively cheap ready made meals, try it out! It’s not quite free food, and you need a smart phone, but I’m hoping this can get a meal to someone who wants it.
[Transcript: NYC, if you haven’t already, hit up the Too Good To Go app for leftover food at the end of a cafe/restaurant/market’s day. I’ve paid 5 bucks each time to help cut food waste & gotten to try so many local NYC restaurants! A lot of it is pizza & pastries but there’s other gems! /end]
Oh my god??? Two bags of croissants and biscuits for $6. Food waste minimized, and myself and three roommates are being fed. Win win.
There’s really ノ need to get ソ worked up over something as miンor as this!
ワt the フck is going on
this is my worst nightmare.
Oケ guys let’s chill out, it クld be a lot worse.
I can’t speak for every screen reader, but if you listen to this post on VoiceOver it reads almost perfectly.
For those without a screen reader that transitions between English and Japanese so easily (or sight readers who can’t read Japanese): the symbols are Japanese Katakana. Each symbol represents a phonetic syllable. The entire post is just making puns with that, except for the first post, which is just OP being upset that [shi] and [tsu] look so similar.
This isn’t really a plain language transcription, but more of…a sort of translation?
im still pissed off about [shi] and [tsu].
I don’t [shi] wha[tsu] bad about this?
im going to stab you in the face
[so][n] of a—
There’s really [no] need to get [so] worked up over something as mi[n]or as this!
[wa]t the [fu]ck is going on
this is my worst nightmare.
O[ke] guys let’s chill out, it [ku]ld be a lot worse.
So my trainer’s bf cheated on her. She broke up with him. He’s holding her stuff hostage until she agrees to talk with him. Which she refuses.
She trains; for free mind you; three college linebackers, a college wrestler, two martial artists, a body builder, and… wait for it…. a Navy seal. We’re gonna go get her shit for her.
This should make for an interesting story.
So everyone who commented on this being like the avengers, you are absolutely right. That’s what all of us had in our heads as we were rolling over to dude’s house. But I’m very proud to say, this ended without violence.
Arrival:
So the super friends all jumped into one of the linebacker’s explorer and headed over to dude’s house. Ok the squad: you all know me, but the other martial artist is a little wirey hapkido guy, the linebackers are all giants (an estimated combined weight of I’d say 750-800lbs), the wrestler looks like an escaped gorilla, then the navy seal looks like your average guy but something about him is unsettling. Really unsettling. Unfortunately, the body builder had to work. Anyway, we send the Hapkido guy and the wrestler to the door first and dude answers, screams at them, and then slams the door in their face. Then the giant linebackers head over and they ring the door bell again. Lo and behold, he was much more polite, but still denied access. Finally, me and the seal join the fray. I casually make my way towards the front of the group, but the seal decides to CLIMB THE BANISTER. We all just turned and started at him completely shocked when dude answers the door. He looks at this weird mismatched group of relatively threatening individuals and one guy perched on his banister like batman. He was like “FINE. Go take what you’re looking for.”
Retrieval:
So we’re all walking through the house gathering what we think are her things and putting them into two boxes. Mind you. We are completely guessing. We didn’t even tell her we were coming, therefore we had no list of items.The only one really being productive was Hapkido, who was legitimately looking for stuff. The linebackers were just randomly picking up furniture, turning it over, and putting it back down. Just showing off how strong they were. In case the numbers game wasn’t enough, I guess they were letting him know they could break him if they wanted to. The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house. Walking behind him, not saying much, just being creepy. Then there’s me. Who was causing general mischief…. He said to take what I was looking for, that’s what I was looking for. Ahaha and the wrestler made a fricken sandwich. Because “you guys look like you have it under control, and I’m a sucker for egg salad.” We were in and out in 15 minutes.
Delivery:
So the autobots rolled out and headed towards homegirl’s spot. She was conveniently outside when we rolled up. We got out and she was like, how do you all even know each other. The truth is, we don’t. She sent us all an email once and didn’t blind copy us all. She vented to all of us about dude holding onto her stuff and we started emailing and that was that. We told her that we went to see her ex. “OMG what did you say to him?” Nothing. We’re not messenger boys. We’re delivery boys. And we gave her her boxes of stuff. She went through the first box and said that was most of her stuff. Then she got to my box and asked “Wtf is all that shit.” So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The guys just looked at me and kind of nodded like they were impressed. She then unexpectedly started CRYING and thanked us. So you have this group of meat heads all standing awkwardly with this weeping trainer. It was quiet for a second when the seal was like “So…. chipoltle?” And we all got burrito bowls.
What a great day.
I was thinking about this story for no reason and decided I should grace you all with it again.
Tumblr already has a personalization algorithm it’s called my beloved mutuals who have great taste and only wish to psychologically damage me sometimes
people on here r rly like ‘attraction to big people is fetishistic, attraction to small people is pedophilic, having sexual thoughts about a real person is objectifying and basically harassment (and having them about fictional people is perverted), kinky sex is immoral, if youre open about your sex life in any way youre a pervert, if youre not open about them you are queerbaiting. basically you should be completely sexless while everything you do is sexualized and up for debate/speculation. this is good for the lgbt community’
800 years ago at All Saints Church in Hereford, England, a skillful carpenter carved this gentleman high up in the dark roof where nobody could see him. Five years ago they built an extra floor with bright lights for a restaurant.
elon musk is literally like a parody. like he cant genuinely fucking be like this like bro is on some satirical depiction of a spoiled rich kid type shit. like hes a cartoon evil rich guy. throwing tantrums bc someone criticized him or said they didnt like him. spending billions of dollars to buy an app and then changing the app every time someone uses a feature of the app to insult him or hurt his feefees. dude straight up does the cartoon steam blowing out of ears train whistle shit irl every time someone says anything mean to him or is transgender but whats terrifying is he has enough money to do anything he wants and millions of chuds who would gladly no homo suck his cock every night before he goes to bed. like. how has someone come to be like this. why has this been allowed to happen why was he created
i think most rich guys are actually more like elon than they aren’t, they all have simpering fanclubs online but enough haters to keep them up at night. i’ve seen a good half-dozen “richest man in X country” instagram accounts litigating their personal beef with some obscure shitposter who won’t stop trolling them. they run the world but everyone doesn’t love them so they’re not happy
this is the richest guy in africa and his mortal enemy, a bored brazilian man
*facepalm* So, given that sex ed in the US is a tire fire:
Vagina-having people have a shorter urethra, which means we’re more prone to UTIs because the bacteria doesn’t have to travel as far to get up into your bladder and cause a problem.
Which means if you’re exposing your bits to bacteria (as with sex), peeing will flush out bacteria in the urethra. (Urine isn’t actually sterile - that’s a myth - but you’re *supposed to* have a little bit of bacteria - that’s how bodies work. But it still flushes things out that shouldn’t be there.)
Oh! You should ALSO pee after you masturbate, especially if it involves penetration with fingers/toys/etc
So I’ve blocked like five transphobes on this post, which I feel should have been relatively uncontroversial.
If you’re one of the people saying “You meant ‘women’”, fuck you. I meant “people who have a vagina, regardless of their gender or lack thereof”, and you can go fuck yourself with a cactus.
And you should pee afterward, so you don’t get a UTI.
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